My thoughts roll around the pinball machine of life.
Each moment; every touch produces more thoughts and scatters all.
The two that most consume my existence oppose each other with such a fierceness, yet always seem to coexist side by side.
And I have neither, yet.
One is bound to come sooner or later.
The other... is never guaranteed in this world.
But even so, though I have neither, and never experienced the full extent of either, they have become my obsessions.
By searching for one, I've only felt closer to the other.
And by avoiding the other I'm no nearer to the first.
It's on the cross that they're pieced together so perfectly, as if they were made for that moment.
But how can such beauty and hate coexist in one moment?
And who is this man who simultaneously experienced the full extent of them both, albeit directed in different directions?
My obsession for these two: Love and Death, is it really my obsession for Him?
Could this be what I feel is lacking in my soul?
What I searched my whole existence for?
Is this what it takes to find ultimate fulfillment?
What it means to follow Him?
No doubt the one is my enemy; the other my friend.
But the embrace of both may be my answer to be free from this curse.
For Jesus came under our curse to show us the way.
It's through His body we're made new; through His blood we're made whole.
To die through love's expression.
To love even through death.
And He gave us the power, the renewal, the wisdom, even the way.
Could it really be all for Him that I choose to shoot another ball?