Keep me from stumbling

I always thought celebrities and those who made it famous are just falling into the wrong path.

They slowly change who they are and lose sense of where they came from.

The scandals follow, embarrassing, heart-breaking, shocking stories, but it's the same cycle again and again.

I think I'd be different. If I'm honest, I know I want the fame, but know I won't change like they did.

There are those people who fall into sin and lose themselves in emotions and lust and love.

It wouldn't be me though.

In the past, I gave advice and easy answers to friends struggling and changing.

And then like a rare comet striking the Earth, I became that person, letting my emotions take over my control center and making the same decisions I shook my head at when I saw it in others.

I fell, filled with shame and too embarrassed to share it.

I tried everything to escape it and thought temporary highs made me get over it, but then it snapped back, biting like a venomous snake coiling out at me.

So how do you get back to sanity when your passions and lusts feel more appetizing than anything holy and true?

Each time I think about the cross of Christ, I'm filled with terror and love.

It's Jesus who bought me with a price. It's through grace that I'm saved.

For me, It was my novel that brought me back into light.

Putting everything together and getting word that I have the opportunity to get it published pulled me out of despair and isolation.

I got a bigger picture of things around me and that gave me something larger to work towards.

I'm weak, there's no point pretending I'm strong.

It's not attractive and won't help get what I crave for.

Girls don't desire it and my boss doesn't seek it.

It's just who I am. When I'm weak, then I'm strong.

By myself, I fall, but through Christ, I'm stand.

With Him, I'm strong.

With you, I can make it.

Looking back it's easier to share, but looking forward, I can only say I need more grace.

I need something bigger than my writing, something that transcends the physical realm of life.

Because I know as soon as I say I'm okay, I'm setting myself up to fall again.

Humility.

As soon as I point my finger at the latest celebrity or star, I already failed.

Grace.

And if I believe I'm too far down to get back up, I'll never stand.

Faith.

Give me a bigger vision Lord. Show me the truth all around me like Elisha saw it. He prayed for the servant's eyes to be opened and they saw the invisible horses and chariots of fire all around him.

You are here. Open my eyes and keep me from stumbling.

In Jesus' name.

Amen.

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